小秋的生活記事

Back in April, we had our pre-marital personality test. It's a test to tell the difference of our personalities in order to know the scenarios in our future life. After 2 weeks, our pastor called me, and requested a special meeting, just me.



He said he's worried about me very much. There're lots of concerns that are shown our test results. There're certain level of difference between different cultures and education. But Chris's and my personality test results are very extreme. Chris's not very talkative, not very outgoing, but he's very confident and happy. The shape of his result is almost perfect and ideal as an attractive man for most of girls. The positive point of his test result is 8.5/10, which is very high.



But my test result really shocked him. The pastor has known me for 6 years, and we have done ministry sometimes together for about 4 years. I'm always the talkative and happy person, but my test result is 1 out of 10, which means I have extreme level of lack of confidence and deep level of depression.



The pastor asked me if I had lots of pressure recently, Or any reason that I feel myself is not valuable? I pondered a bit and said, I think it's because I worked too hard the years before graduation. I worked in average 60hrs/week, and suffered a lot from the pressure of professors. So it's probably the reason that I was twisted. But the pastor asked me to think of some other reasons of making me depressive, because short term of pressure shouldn't cause such extreme result.



Therefore, I re-thought about it, and said, " I feel myself never fits in this world. I have never have a relationship that is not full of pain and betrayal. I feel myself is a failure. I exhausted myself all, but still have nobody would treat me seriously.

今天去Houston，去了另外一個試吃婚禮蛋糕的約，吃了四塊蛋糕，有夠肥的... 把condo修理的事情辦了，resale certificate交了錢，去看了幾個有可能教琴的地方，最後去了音樂書店買東西。去的時候遇到一個鋼琴老師的朋友，她說她的工作簽證只剩下四個禮拜，但是綠卡經過很多次申請都被拒絕，她已經在這九年了還是弄不出身分來，中間換過學生簽證，工作簽證等等，她的律師一直搞砸的樣子...看來上帝真的希望她回新加坡陪家人好了。



回到家的時候又打了幾個電話，仍然還沒有具體的結果，於是一邊看電視一邊等Chris回家。昨天我們去Kroger想要買西瓜可是都不便宜，所以Chris說今天要在回家路上跟攤販買個超大的回家，結果果真抱了一個很大的西瓜回來。







因為太大了，冰箱切了又放不下，又怕湯湯水水的，所以先擱在洗碗槽等明天切。爬上床準備睡了，跟Chris講到找教琴地方的事情，他說我一定可以找到便宜的地方教琴，可是我心裡還是覺得不太樂觀，於是Chris說：「還有第三個option, 直接把舊學生放棄，在家附近收新的學生，你一直說這附近沒有學校有樂團，我實在不相信。」Chris就跑去網路上查呀查，結果發現Cy-Fair高中果真有個樂團，他還翻出一堆音樂老師的電話給我。我也順便email給 Cy-Fair College沒給我電話的音樂系教授。Chris悉哩花啦查了一堆東西扔給我，然後就跑去睡覺了。我則剛剛email給這高中的樂團指揮。



我現在開始有點擔心會不會學生太多了。可是又擔心原來Houston的學生會不會勉強我回去教，剛剛另外一個學生媽媽知道我在找地方教琴的困難，還幫我打電話到處問，到時候要真的被問出個場地來，我又要塞車30miles單程去教琴....

這是Zales的enhancer, 跟訂婚戒指串在一起，可以把鑽石包住。看起來就像是一個戒指，而且比較輕也不會礙手。原本看了很多不同的黃金跟白金的enhancer,可是最後發現藍寶石加上碎鑚配上訂婚戒指，好像跟我比較搭，我好像跟黃金的顏色不太搭似的。原本Chris堅持要看簡單的樣式就好，沒想到連他看到這個藍色的enhancer都說他覺得我戴這個比較好看。加上美國人的婚禮傳統 "something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue" 藍色代表fidelity,原本我在想好像什麼藍色的東西都不搭婚禮的會場，剛好這戒指有藍寶石在上頭，不過Kristin說她昨天也寄了一個藍色的禮物給我。嘻嘻。



Chris的婚戒則是柏金platinum 5mm, 他一心只想要platinum, 因為那是最硬的金屬，白金便宜很多他都不考慮。他說這東西要一直戴在手上，所以要"堅固耐用"點比較好，他看到Tungsten做的戒指的時候還大為驚奇的樣子，因為他實在太少出門shopping了....